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New account, who dis?
Dec. 7th, 2018 11:06 pmMy anxiety isn't as bad online as it is in real life, but it still IS.
Starting a new account feels so risky. So many things are at risk of going to shit. Am I coming across as pretentious? Or just stupid? Will anyone even read this, ever? Does it matter?
Why did I create a new account on here in the first place? I'm 31 years old, surely an online journal is a thing for teenagers? Or maybe it's exactly for people who are technically way past the point of being teenagers (or even young adults), yet still clinging to the idea of never growing up?
I know why I created this account. I want to write. I want to write to somebody, even it is only a theoretical somebody. A suggestion of somebody.
I would like to connect with people who also write to invisible (possibly even fictional) people. Well, maybe relating to people would be enough, because making connections might be too much pressure. (Too much room for failure.)
So who am I? Good question. Pretty basic, but pretty good, still. Do I have an answer? I'm not sure.
I'm a person. I'm someone who's insecure, introspective, and defensive as hell.
I love animals, and soft things in general. I don't have a pet because getting one would require moving, and I'm comfortable where I am, thanks.
I love second hand feelings, crying while reading, laughing while watching TV, and escaping into fictional worlds. I avoid handling my own personal issues like the plague.
I have massive trust issues and I hold a grudge. I'm compassionate and I hate seeing people in pain. I hate seeing animals in pain even more.
I have a complicated relationship with humans. I strive to manage without anyone else, for no other reason than the fact that needing people only leads to pain. Most of my meaningful relationships are with blood relations. I tend to avoid romantic relationships and inclinations.
I'm pretty heavily on the asexual spectrum. I don't like being touched or touching. Except for when I really, really do. It's complicated.
Mostly, I'm pretty much the same insecure mess I was fifteen years ago. Might do me good the learn to be okay with that.
(Oh hey, I'm also Finnish.)
Starting a new account feels so risky. So many things are at risk of going to shit. Am I coming across as pretentious? Or just stupid? Will anyone even read this, ever? Does it matter?
Why did I create a new account on here in the first place? I'm 31 years old, surely an online journal is a thing for teenagers? Or maybe it's exactly for people who are technically way past the point of being teenagers (or even young adults), yet still clinging to the idea of never growing up?
I know why I created this account. I want to write. I want to write to somebody, even it is only a theoretical somebody. A suggestion of somebody.
I would like to connect with people who also write to invisible (possibly even fictional) people. Well, maybe relating to people would be enough, because making connections might be too much pressure. (Too much room for failure.)
So who am I? Good question. Pretty basic, but pretty good, still. Do I have an answer? I'm not sure.
I'm a person. I'm someone who's insecure, introspective, and defensive as hell.
I love animals, and soft things in general. I don't have a pet because getting one would require moving, and I'm comfortable where I am, thanks.
I love second hand feelings, crying while reading, laughing while watching TV, and escaping into fictional worlds. I avoid handling my own personal issues like the plague.
I have massive trust issues and I hold a grudge. I'm compassionate and I hate seeing people in pain. I hate seeing animals in pain even more.
I have a complicated relationship with humans. I strive to manage without anyone else, for no other reason than the fact that needing people only leads to pain. Most of my meaningful relationships are with blood relations. I tend to avoid romantic relationships and inclinations.
I'm pretty heavily on the asexual spectrum. I don't like being touched or touching. Except for when I really, really do. It's complicated.
Mostly, I'm pretty much the same insecure mess I was fifteen years ago. Might do me good the learn to be okay with that.
(Oh hey, I'm also Finnish.)
